when life gives you lemons...

...you preserve them. well. that's what i decided to do. i was given the opportunity to have loads of organic lemons... and i brought them home and cut them, pushed them into jars, covered them in salt. and in a few weeks they will be perfect. i decided that for the most part i will cut away the salty sour rind and toss it into the food processor with some sugar. then into a pot with some water... to make the most delicious lemon simple syrup. i haven't decided what i will do with it in the end. perhaps it will make part of a sparkly drink when mixed with perrier. or, sweeten a batch of cold tea. i will most definitely make a pound cake and sweeten it with the syrup. on goodness. that would be ideal with some strawberries. come on spring... and summer!

aderito and i have settled into our apartment well. we still don't really have any furniture. which is fine, because i don't know where we would put it. my grandparents gave us a huge new lazyboy recliner. it's wonderful! but, other than that... we are still sitting in patio chairs at the table.

i'm working... and aderito is waiting for his boss to return from portugal so they can get back to work. ei has taken their time, and made a mistake processing his claim. hoepfully it comes through soon. work for me? it's ok. i am tempted to write more... but, i don't want to get dooced. what i will say is... it allows me to be around delicious inspiring organic food... of all kinds. i can work at my own speed, but still be part of a team. and the team i am part of makes me laugh often... i especially like working with rena. she's so funny... we have great talks... and she's a total peacemaker. which is a good influence on me. oh! and we only give the customers the most perfect of fruit and vegetables. which means i can take the not-so-good stuff. it's been a bit of a challenge to decide what i am going to do with the stuff i bring home. so far i've made stuff i can put into jars. yum! plum and baco noir confiture, peach and strawberry confiture, strawberry confiture, apple pie jam, apple butter, tomato and cilantro salsa and most recently orange and lemon marmalade. i very much appreciate having a job where this is a perk. a big huge perk. it's pretty exciting to have different jams available for when i just might need it... and to give away occasionally too!

last year... around october aderito and i decided to try and make a baby! i started charting, taking prenatals, stopped drinking soda... and went to, ahem... work. by the beginning of december i knew that i was pregnant... and took 3 tests to confirm it. as soon as i could i called the nearest midwifery clinic and made an appointment to make a birth plan and meet my midwife. i was told while i am waiting for the appointment to come... to see my doctor for blood/urine work and an ultrasound. i went, and took it all to my midwife at our appointment. she suggested that i go to another ultrasound seeing as the last one had been about a month back. on the 4th of january i went... and was told that the baby had stopped growing at 6 weeks 2 days. it was devastating. my midwife suggested seeing my doctor to see what to do next. so, the next week... i saw her. she suggested doing a d&c (they dilate the cervix, and curettage... or scrape the uterus to get all the products of conception out). so, an appointment was made to see the obgyn (just a obgyn consult), and i had an ultrasound to see if the diagnoses was still the same. but! the night before the d&c consult appointment... i started bleeding... i was miscarrying all on my own. off to the hospital i went... only to be sent home and was told to come back for an ultrasound in the morning. of course the u/s showed that i was still retaining products. back to the doctor i went. she suggested that we do another u/s to see if there was anything left now that all the bleeding had stopped. and then... hahaha... the doctor sent me for one more ultrasound to check again to see if there was anything left. sure enough, i was told again that there was a bit of retained product. but, at the same time i had ovluated. waiting for my doctor to get back to me with an another appointment to see the obgyn for a d&c consulation... i finally got my period. yay! where does everything stand now? hopefully with me having an empty uterus... and no d&c in sight.

needless to say the past few months have been similar to riding a rollercoaster. it's been rough... but, from past life experience... i know that everytime something completely crap happens.... there is always something good waiting on the other side.

i understand grieving. i am very aware that i need a network of support in place as well. aderito and i talk about the miscarriage often, my family equally supportive and loving. and my commitee of girls that always say the best possible things at times i didn't know i needed a bit of extra love. but, i know that my grief would be a whole lot easier if the people i worked for were a tad more compassionate. i was told 3 weeks after the miscarriage by the owner: 'you have obviously been affected by what happened, but you need to deal with it. you should get therapy.' this was after i told her that i was a bit nervous knowing that we were going to have a huge snowstorm... and i was going to have to drive through it in the morning. therapy? really? perhaps if i was worried about the snow NEXT year. geez.