i guess i could sweep...

last summer when aderito was working and i was just hanging out at home... i managed to fill my day. there seemed to always be something to do! this winter while i was working, aderito was laid off... during the day he cleaned and cooked and was waiting for me when i got home. candles lit, dinner waiting for me on the table. it was so nice! but, now... aderito is back to work. and i am working. so, when i come home... all that there is waiting for me is a sink full of dishes and a floor that needs to be swept. i'd rather not do either at the moment... so, i read through all the blogs i like. sent messages on heytell to my sister. and now... here i sit. looking at the clock, wondering when aderito will be home.

the preserved lemons are done. and they are lovely! i took a handful of the zest and put it into the food processor with lots of sugar... until it was a nice wet mess. then into a pot with an equal amount of water... and made a lovely lemon syrup! it's so good with perrier. this is for sure. i'm going to make a cheesecake this weekend... i think that a splash of the syrup will be perfect. i made a pear, rum and vanilla bean confiture on the weekend... i think that i might swirl that around in the cheesecake too. tasty!

aderito and i found a new apartment! we weren't looking, but we weren't not looking. we know that eventually we will need 2 bedrooms. and i know that i don't really like having to drive aderito to work and pick him up when he is done... and yes, he does take the bus... but only coming home. anyways, every morning i drop him off we drive by a smaller apartment building. it's 3 floors... and not too big. we've commented a few times that it looks nice and would be wildly convenient for us. last week we noticed that there was a 2 bedroom apartment for rent! so, i called the number, then we went to see the apartment, filled out the application... and this morning the landlord called letting us know that the apartment was ours! wooo!! so, that means that in less than a month we will be out of here... our wee little place. which works well for us. i think that aderito especially likes that it's about 5 steps from the bed to the refrigerator! haa!! but, i'm looking forward to a bit more space... and a whole lot more closets! right now everything is shoved into closets at maximum capacity. the living room at the new apartment will look hilarious! we have a lazy boy recliner... and that's about it! ok ok.

it's time to do... something productive.

when life gives you lemons...

...you preserve them. well. that's what i decided to do. i was given the opportunity to have loads of organic lemons... and i brought them home and cut them, pushed them into jars, covered them in salt. and in a few weeks they will be perfect. i decided that for the most part i will cut away the salty sour rind and toss it into the food processor with some sugar. then into a pot with some water... to make the most delicious lemon simple syrup. i haven't decided what i will do with it in the end. perhaps it will make part of a sparkly drink when mixed with perrier. or, sweeten a batch of cold tea. i will most definitely make a pound cake and sweeten it with the syrup. on goodness. that would be ideal with some strawberries. come on spring... and summer!

aderito and i have settled into our apartment well. we still don't really have any furniture. which is fine, because i don't know where we would put it. my grandparents gave us a huge new lazyboy recliner. it's wonderful! but, other than that... we are still sitting in patio chairs at the table.

i'm working... and aderito is waiting for his boss to return from portugal so they can get back to work. ei has taken their time, and made a mistake processing his claim. hoepfully it comes through soon. work for me? it's ok. i am tempted to write more... but, i don't want to get dooced. what i will say is... it allows me to be around delicious inspiring organic food... of all kinds. i can work at my own speed, but still be part of a team. and the team i am part of makes me laugh often... i especially like working with rena. she's so funny... we have great talks... and she's a total peacemaker. which is a good influence on me. oh! and we only give the customers the most perfect of fruit and vegetables. which means i can take the not-so-good stuff. it's been a bit of a challenge to decide what i am going to do with the stuff i bring home. so far i've made stuff i can put into jars. yum! plum and baco noir confiture, peach and strawberry confiture, strawberry confiture, apple pie jam, apple butter, tomato and cilantro salsa and most recently orange and lemon marmalade. i very much appreciate having a job where this is a perk. a big huge perk. it's pretty exciting to have different jams available for when i just might need it... and to give away occasionally too!

last year... around october aderito and i decided to try and make a baby! i started charting, taking prenatals, stopped drinking soda... and went to, ahem... work. by the beginning of december i knew that i was pregnant... and took 3 tests to confirm it. as soon as i could i called the nearest midwifery clinic and made an appointment to make a birth plan and meet my midwife. i was told while i am waiting for the appointment to come... to see my doctor for blood/urine work and an ultrasound. i went, and took it all to my midwife at our appointment. she suggested that i go to another ultrasound seeing as the last one had been about a month back. on the 4th of january i went... and was told that the baby had stopped growing at 6 weeks 2 days. it was devastating. my midwife suggested seeing my doctor to see what to do next. so, the next week... i saw her. she suggested doing a d&c (they dilate the cervix, and curettage... or scrape the uterus to get all the products of conception out). so, an appointment was made to see the obgyn (just a obgyn consult), and i had an ultrasound to see if the diagnoses was still the same. but! the night before the d&c consult appointment... i started bleeding... i was miscarrying all on my own. off to the hospital i went... only to be sent home and was told to come back for an ultrasound in the morning. of course the u/s showed that i was still retaining products. back to the doctor i went. she suggested that we do another u/s to see if there was anything left now that all the bleeding had stopped. and then... hahaha... the doctor sent me for one more ultrasound to check again to see if there was anything left. sure enough, i was told again that there was a bit of retained product. but, at the same time i had ovluated. waiting for my doctor to get back to me with an another appointment to see the obgyn for a d&c consulation... i finally got my period. yay! where does everything stand now? hopefully with me having an empty uterus... and no d&c in sight.

needless to say the past few months have been similar to riding a rollercoaster. it's been rough... but, from past life experience... i know that everytime something completely crap happens.... there is always something good waiting on the other side.

i understand grieving. i am very aware that i need a network of support in place as well. aderito and i talk about the miscarriage often, my family equally supportive and loving. and my commitee of girls that always say the best possible things at times i didn't know i needed a bit of extra love. but, i know that my grief would be a whole lot easier if the people i worked for were a tad more compassionate. i was told 3 weeks after the miscarriage by the owner: 'you have obviously been affected by what happened, but you need to deal with it. you should get therapy.' this was after i told her that i was a bit nervous knowing that we were going to have a huge snowstorm... and i was going to have to drive through it in the morning. therapy? really? perhaps if i was worried about the snow NEXT year. geez.

together.

it's true. we are together. everything with immigration went well as soon as they recieved the medicals. aderito was sent his permanent residence card at the end of april, and by the end of may he was in canada! as soon as he arrived i started the grand job search... for him. amazingly enough he had 4 calls within the first week. he took the first job that was offered. however, it was in toronto. which meant we had to find a place to live asap!! within 2 weeks we found a place, and moved in the last week of june.

it's september now. and just yesterday we bought our first piece of furniture! we were living fine off of one income... but, i had to find a job if we ever wanted to get ahead and eat off a table. we went to ikea friday night, bought a table... it's lovely! and window treatments. i call them that because they aren't quite a blind, and not quite a curtain. it's called a panel curtain. anyways, it was a complete bitch to assemble. why can't ikea tell us what is going to be included in the "self assembly"?! i had to sew people. i can cook. i can read. and i sure can shop. but, sewing. not my thing. i made it work, and now we have panel curtains in the living room, along with a lovely table. next... a bed frame. as much as i love that i can literally roll out of bed in the morning... it would be nice to step out.

i'm having issues figuring out what to name the blog. i wanted to call it something along the lines of "lost in translation"... but, that title has been used many times. it's so true though... i can't even tell you how often we don't understand what the other one is trying to say. which is sometimes really seriously funny. other times... a huge frustration. thankfully i have our handy dandy portuguese-english dictionary on hand at all times... and i can just find the word and try to say the word in portuguese. i need to work on that!

i need to tell you about my new job!! it's amazing. however, aderito is clearing his throat and pacing... which means that he would like to use the computer. there are many futball games on today... and he needs to start watching them! and i have to bake a cake... yeah, i'll tell you about that next time too. goodness.

spangles.

yeah. well...

guess where aderito's passport is?! still in freakin' new york.

dear immigration officer,

please hurry up and send aderito back his passport stamped with that lovely visa, and his certificate of permanent residence. we don't plan on seeing each other until july so, he doesn't need it asap to fly or anything. but, he would like to be able to book his flight... and soon... he can get a round trip flight for only $215! so. please. let's get movin' on the passport, k?

thanks.
nikki


in other news. i quit that job.

in other other news. i found a new one.

well... it found me. seriously. a few weeks ago, i received an phone call from a former chef. he left a message saying that there was a job opening at a restaurant in crystal beach... a restaurant owner was looking for a chef to take over the kitchen, the restaurant had been closed for the past few months and he wanted to re-open soon. i listened to the message, and then promptly deleted it. no thanks! a few weeks later, i'm at the spa... and the esthetician was a girl that i went to school with. she was telling me that she has a friend that was moving back home to take over a restaurant... the very same one that i heard about! we chatted about what the food would be like, and how cool it will be when jenn takes over the kitchen! and then! on monday, i was home sick from work... i managed to catch something wicked. when i woke up in the morning, i checked my email... there was a message from my neighbour, patti. jenn... the girl that is re-opening the kitchen was at patti's house for easter dinner and was talking about taking over the kitchen and needing new staff. patti immediately suggested me... and jenn said that if i was interested in a position to just email her my resume and we could talk. well... wednesday i went to the restaurant to meet up with jenn and the owner. we talked a whole lot... i had the opportunity to hear about where jenn has been... and what she wants to do at the restaurant. i'm excited. especially to work in a nice, clean, well organized, highly communicative kitchen. ahhh. it will be wonderful.

what i am not looking forward to... is working at night. aderito and i have this lovely routine. we chat 4 times a night. it's kept both of us sane... and able to deal with a long-distance relationship that has lasted for 3 years. even though the chats are quick... it still gives us that chance to connect and for me gives me a great deal of security. i love when we talk. i look forward to it. and well. working at night, i'm not going to be able to do that. i am going to try!! that's for sure! the other thing that is already causing a bit of stress... is that we have already planned for him to come here in july for 3 weeks. we haven't make any solid plans as to what we will do when he is here. but.. i really do NOT want to have to spend a lot of that time working. i want to be with aderito. we were only together for 3 weeks at christmas... and he worked a bunch while i was there. it won't be until this next christmas that we see each other again. ugh. i just need to know that we will be able to have time together in july. we had planned on going to florida for a week. how sweet would that be? perhaps we will have to put those plans on hold until the beginning of next year. who knows. none of these questions will be answered... until i let my new boss' know what is going on, right?

alright. i'm going to watch a movie... or do something. i took a nap this afternoon because i had a brutal headache. hopefully i'm not up till 3am because of it.

the forgotten signature.

well. aderito's passport request came. there was much rejoicing. then, he fedexed everything here to me... the letter, passport, pictures. i went through everything and made sure that the paperwork was filled out, the pictures were in thier separate envelopes. then, off to buffalo my mom and i went. it's cheaper to just drive over the border and send it off from fedex over there. i was so excited to have it sent off to new york!! i was so excited to go home and call aderito so we could celebrate! i was in mid-celebration... when i realized that aderito had forgotten to sign the passport request paperwork. ugh. i called fedex quickly... but, it had already been sent off. so, now we wait. will new york send everything back... and aderito will fill out and SIGN the request this time? will new york be ok with the paperwork not being signed and give aderito his visa? who knows. i keep checking his email to see if they send another request... so we can get it right this time. i think that it's totally valid for me to feel like i've been in immigration limbo for the past 6 months. it's not fun. i hope that i'm able to get out of it soon... and onto a higher, more stable ground.

how is work... you ask? well. umm. perhaps we should talk about something else. if it does happen to come up in conversation... all that will be said is that it is a means to an end. that's it.

the eating has went wonderfully! my lunches have been plentiful and healthy. i drink 2 liters of water during the day. and umm... dinners at night have went well too. tonight was salmon and potatoes. i felt good about the lack of vegetables... i ate many veggies today already for lunch and snacks.

ok. back to the work conversation. i was totally wrong about the hours i would be working. i made it clear that i will only work during the day. so, my shifts are... 9-5 monday to friday. i can handle that. as well as every other saturday 10-6. i can handle that too. however, the week i work saturday... i don't get another day off during the week... nope, that week i have to work 6 days. ick. that means this weekend i have to work saturday. but, easter weekend... i get 3 days off. giddy up!! i love that! i plan on baking that weekend. we have a shitload of bananas that need to be transformed into bread. yum.

i miss aderito extra right now. i think that it's because last year i saw him in september and then only had to wait until december. that's 3 big bad months. nothing at all!! this time... i left him in january and i won't see him again until july. eff. that's a long time. it's not the longest we've ever went... but, seriously.... it's toooo long. initally we said that he would only vacation for 2 weeks this year. but, i'm not sure if that's possible. seriously... away for 6 months and together for 2 weeks?! and then during that time he thinks that i should keep working. blahhhhhh. no way. no chance. i think i need some chocolate.

and that's exactly what i am going to do... i am going to eat chocolate. cadbury flake. and then... call aderito. i also may or may not be watching dancing with the stars.

the day before: work

yet again... i'm sitting in bed watching tv. desperate housewives. it's not super interesting, kinda keeping my attention. however, my mind keeps wandering to tomorrow morning.

you see... tomorrow is the day that i start my new job. ha! i should just say... i start a job. it's been a while since i've worked. i was laid-off december 2008. aderito was working a lot... and we were able to save money, even with me not working. and well... 2009 was the year of travelling. cuba, portugal and then bermuda. in between all that was the crazy gathering, sorting, filling out of paperwork, and hoping. lots of hoping. that pretty much filled up last year. so, now... i need to work. my mind needs keep busy, my body needs to do something, and we need to really save moola for the big move next year!

i'm a bit nervous about starting this new job. it's not a difficult job. it's just the unexpected. i love to know what's going to happen. i do not like surprises. at all. i do love expectations... lay them out for me... and i will do anything to meet them and exceed them. why i wasn't like this in high school, i don't know. i get to wear clothes to work. not that i worked naked before. it was always chef uniforms i was wearing, and of course the restaurants i have worked in didn't allow any sort of personal style. so, this will be a nice change... kinda. i have to wear "business casual" clothes. i went and shopped on thursday, found a really nice pair of pants... and black flats. hopefully i will be conservative enough. i'm excited to check everyone else out, see how far i can get away from the business part and closer to the oh-so-wonderful casual.

this is going to sound... not nice. but, every time i start a new job... i worry that people are going to want to be my friend. i'm nice, outgoing, super friendly, and funny. which bodes well in a work place... but then people want to hang out with me. i just want to work, go home, talk to aderito... and plan our plans. i have friends. i have people that i like already. goodness. thinking this is my head is a whole lot different than typing it out, and reading how wretched i sound. i do want work friends, i just don't want them to be my out-of-work friends. is that bad? it's bad.

a new job means change. so, tomorrow will also be the beginning of eating healthy. i made a big huge quinoa salad filled with veggies to take for lunch all week. i bought yogurt, and fruit, and raw almonds to snack on... i will NOT get caught up in the office junk food. oh! i also have a water bottle that i picked up today, i hope to drink more water too. as for quick healthy dinners through out the week... i think that i'll figure something out. thankfully my shift is over at 4pm, it will take about an hour to get home. i have a feeling that this will be a good trial week, but that i just might have to make a dinner plan. i like plans. systems. schedules. when they are on my terms... and planning dinner. definitely up to me! however, i won't complain if my mom cooks... she made some killer barbeque chicken last night!

somewhere in there i need to find time to walk... or move in general. when i get home from work? i think that's the best time. there is no chance that i am going to be getting up at 6am to work out... getting up at 7am will be hard enough!

time to close down the computer. get comfy in bed. watch a bit more nonsense on tv... and hopefully my eyes will close easily, and my mind will stop making that whirring noise.

closer to being together...

monday are brutal for television. ick. i am ashamed to admit that i am indeed watching "molly and jason's wedding - the bachelor". my excuse is that i need closure... i watched jason's season of the bachelor from the beginning, i see to see it though and watch the wedding. ha!

oh yes. immigration. well. i called ottawa, and asked what was going on with aderito's medical results. the woman on the other end was NOT happy that i had her phone number... i apologized and told her that i was told she was able to tell me what was going on... when she finally conceded, i didn't have the proper file number in order for her to find the medicals!! ugh. so, that ended up not going well. thankfully, i am a bit of an immigration forum addict. there was a case that started a bit before mine, and was processed in record time. this person was super pro-active and sent a fax to ottawa, and requested that the medicals be sent onto the consulate. i sent this person a message, and she was so sweet and kind!! together with two different fax numbers, she also sent a copy of the fax that she had sent to ottaw!! perfect. so, i faxed ottawa... and heard a response from them the next day!! woohoo!! march 2nd, i checked aderito's email... lo and behold there was an email from new york!!! yes! it said that his passport request was in the mail!! yay! how wonderful! we are waiting for aderito to receive that letter still, from north america it takes about 2 weeks for a letter to get to aderito. it's mostly bermuda's fault... they are pretty slow when it comes to mail processing. ugh. so, by next monday aderito should have that lovely letter in his hand!! from there he has to do a bit more paperwork, a few more pictures, and then it all gets sent to new york!! weeee!! new york then puts a visa into his passport, and sends a letter of confirmation of permanent residence. and then... when aderito is here he lands, we start paperwork for his sin card, health card, everything!!

of course, aderito won't be staying when he comes in july. he will be going back to bermuda... his contract isn't over until october... and even then he can stay for another 3 months after his contract is finished. i think that i will go to bermuda again this year for christmas... only this time aderito will come back with me!! where we will go from there... i have no idea.

i've been doing so much research trying to figure out where aderito can work. there are a few construction companies in toronto that request the employee be able to speak portuguese on the job site. hopefully one of those jobs will work out for aderito... and depending on which job he gets... we will decide where to live. it's going to be north of toronto, as much fun as it would be being downtown right in portugal village... it's far too expensive. yikes!!

ohh!! i've found a job. it's bizarre... because it's far from what i've done over the past 10 years in the kitchen. it will be so nice to work, i'm ready anything. to wake up at a normal time. and well... to make some money. it would be nice for aderito and i to have some money saved up for when he moves here.

guess what time of the year it is? time for nikki to start moving her ass a bit. i'm really ready to start riding my bike again. i would like to start running. two years ago, i started running a bit. i think this will be the year that i start running full time. i have shoes. all i need is an ipod, and i'll be good to go. oh. and i would prefer for the snow to melt first too. then, i will run. i don't really have any other excuses. i live in a pretty good area, with a trail that's really close. i just need some.. motivation. ha! oh boy... do i even need motivation.

tomorrow i'm having lunch with 2 of my favourite people. i'm excited. hopefully i'm able to get some sleep tonight!!

pretty much the same...

since i changed my blog link... i have no idea if anyone is reading anymore. i decided that this blog most definitely had less and less to do with me and cooking. and more and more to do with the familia pacheco. ah. it's nice to say that. my little family with aderito and i. i love it. we are looking forward to being together soon. we know that it won't happen too soon though. next christmas is the goal. i really hope that happens.

not a whole lot has changed with our immigration application. well a little bit. while i was in bermuda the entire package was returned. with a letter that told me that i had forgotten to include aderito's work visa. proof that aderito indeed is living and working in bermuda. so, i sent that bad boy back. the beginning of february i checked out ecas... it not only said that they had begun processing the pr application, but that it had been sent from buffalo to new york. aderito hasn't received any letters from new york telling us why. so, it could be because they want to expedite the process and buffalo was backed up so they sent it off. or, it could be because they want to do an interview. however, i requested that our interview be done in detroit if it couldn't be done in buffalo. tomorrow morning i am going to call ottawa and ask about aderito's medical stuff. he had it done in bermuda and from there they are supposed to send it to ottawa. when the center that is processing the permanent resident application is ready they request the medicals. sometimes they don't go... or take a while. so, i'm going to call... and see where they are. hopefully they are indeed in ottawa... and they just need a gentle push in the right direction. that would be ideal. what we don't want is for them to be lost. that would be the worst possible situation. we paid over $1000 for them to get done. we most definitely can not afford to do them over again!! goodness.

i still need a job. so so badly i need one. but, i need one during the day. that's it. aderito works all day... and our time is at night. it's created this sense of living together... and most definitely consistency. we both like knowing that the other person is at home hanging out... doing normal people things... together, at the same time... just not in the same country. so, that means that i need to work during the day. i will do anything. work anywhere. i've sent my resume to so many places. perhaps tomorrow... all of them will call. that would be wonderful... cause i want to work... and i like options.

the olympics have been a nice distraction from the worry and stress. however, i find that they just create a new worry and stress. i know that canadian athletes are good... i believe that we can win a lot of medals. it's just... sometimes i don't think that they believe it enough. perhaps that's unfair. it's just how i feel about it at the moment.

my lung is gurgley... the right one. lowish. it's been like this for 3 days now. more at night... it's weird. i'm going to google... and do some self diagnosing. eek!

swaggin' and sighin'

yeah, it's late... and i should try and sleep soon. i'm just not ready yet. usually, i'm watching a random series on surfthechannel. but, there just isn't anything that i want to watch right now. ok, not true. i would really like to watch either "community" or "head case". however, they aren't available in full series... just a few random episodes. so, instead i'm kinda watching jimmy fallon. and doing random internet searches. there is a good reason for that though...

see over there... you might have to scroll down. but, over to the side i have a link for "swag bucks", there is also something over there called a "swidget".

about a month ago, i was reading emily's blog who writes under1000permonth. she's broadened my view on saving money, interesting ways to be frugal, and making money doing something that we all do each day. ah yes. swagbucks.

pretty much all you have to do is sign up, and then use their search engine to... search. randomly you are awarded with "swag bucks" and after a while... they accumulate. once you have 45, you cash them in for $5 amazon.ca gift cards. or save your bucks for bigger gift cards, or for clothing... or whatever! i wasn't sure about this whole thing... but, i find myself searching for recipes, blogs, or when i'm helping siobhan with her homework all the time anyways so i figured it was worth a try. i signed up the 25th of october and i already have 44 bucks! you also get swagbucks from finding codes... and paying attention to the swagbuck facebook page.

i didn't know the best way to tell people about it. but, i figured this was a pretty good way. so, go on... sign up. and if you have any questions, just ask me! :)



other news. all the immigration paperwork was sent!! wooohooo!! it was received at the case processing center mississauga (CPC-M) on october 30th. which was way before my original deadline. i've been on a canadian immigration forum like crazy these past few days. everyone posts questions.. and always includes their time lines. from what i see... the average processing time for sponsorship is 21 days. even though the cic website says that it is 35. so, hopefully aderito and i will know whether or not i have been approved to sponsor him by november 20th. if i am approved... our case will then be sent to buffalo. where they will do extensive background checks, go over his medical check, and read through everything that we sent proving that our relationship is real, genuine and continuing. oh!! in the immigration forum, i asked whether as a sponsor i need a job or not. the response was that because i am sponsoring my husband, i am exempt from the financial aspect. i pray constantly that this is true. there is a system that is set up online that allows me to check and see where in the process they are with my paperwork... it's called ecas... i don't remember what it means. anyways... i am tempted to sign in all day long to see if they have even opened my case yet!! however... i will be patient. i will.

sigh.

the sugar bear.

i don't remember how it started. there must have just been a box of it in the back pantry. but, at the moment i can't get enough of kashi golean crunch cereal. it's offically the best i've ever had. there is a very specific reason why i feel so much love towards this cereal. it doesn't get mushy. unlike aderito, who soaks cookies in milk and eats it. i need my cereal crunchy from my first bite to the very last. kashi golean cereal stays crunchy. and it tastes like... sugar crisp. remember that cereal? apparently, it's only called sugar crisp in canada and in the states called golden crisp. after just doing a bit of reading about sugar crisp, it is said that 50% of it's weight is sugar. goodness. no wonder i liked that so much as a kid! kashi still has 13g of sugar per cup. but, i'm ok with that at the moment. after eating a cup of it i'm usually not hungry for hours. which is my kind of tasty crunchy cereal.

jobbing. it's like jogging, except you only use your fingers. seriously, i need a job so very bad. there are places that i've sent my CV to that i never thought i would. suzy shier?! yes. pumpkin patch?! yes. chicken factory?! yes. everywhere. i sent it out about 6 more times yesterday, and will again on monday when all the new jobs are posted again. there has been prayer without ceasing for a job... which i need... immediately.

there is loads of paperwork that needs to be filled out for immigration. it's almost there. monday i will finish the rest. put it altogether. look it over 3 more times. make sure it all has been photocopied 2 times. the thing is though. is that i need a job. they need to know that i am able to support both of us. even though, aderito could potentially work in bermuda for another 2 years. he makes amazing money there. i don't think that it is going to be difficult for us to find a job anywhere though. we are willing to go wherever a potential job needs us to go. preferably not anywhere northern... so, almost anywhere. in the meantime however, or i guess... as soon as possible, i need to work. agora.

fall isn't my favourite month. i appreciate the leaves, how beautiful it all looks. i even have this strange affinity towards it... in my head i think that if i was to match any season it would be fall. it makes my red hair seem to flame, and my fair skin glow. yet. i don't really like fall at all. i have a theory however as to why i might feel this way. "the fall of freddie the leaf: a story of life for all ages". after my dad died, someone... probably a grief counsellor gave my mom this book. it made sense, i was 12, erin was 9, and jim was 8. a book was a very good way to explain death when adult words don't make sense. but, this book is about freddie and his leaf friends. they are born in the spring, grow big and strong in the summer, but when the fall comes they all die. that's it, the life cycle. leaving me, for the rest of my life to resent fall a little bit. fall, my kindred in colour. every year when autumn comes... i find myself watching all the little freddies drift onto the ground, i sit looking out the window watching freddies blow across the yard. i'm already looking forward to spring.

kelly is going to be here soon. we are going to bake pumpkin scones. i made them about a month ago, and it's time to bake some more... i've missed them. my mom and i bought ourselves scones from starbucks last week. they were wretched. the scones we once looked forward to driving and buying, we no longer think about. only the delicious homemade ones. mmm. i'm also excited to hang out with kel. she's a pretty cool chick!

not me monday...

during my obsessive blog reading over the past month... i've decided that my absolute favourite new one is mckmama. seriously, how could a blog about a family with 4 small children all under the age of 4 not be incredibly entertaining? and, as i could only imagine being a mother of so many small children you would occasionally have to do things you would have never imagined as a childless adult. in mckmama's words this is why "not me monday" had a purpose... "born out of my desire to admit some of my imperfections and reveal a few moments i'd rather forget. you may find it therapeutic to join in and do the same thing!"

this is the first monday since i've been been following her blog since i read it from the very beginning. so, i thought that perhaps i should participate. you know, clear the air... and get out any possible antics that i most definitely... did not do!

my mom, siobhan and i went on an excursion to the grocery store. we needed just random bits of stuff for thanksgiving dinner. you know... parchment paper, baking soda, icing sugar, bread for stuffing. while my mom was off looking at the bread. siobhan i did most certainly did not sneak in a huge tray of cream cheese iced cinnamon buns into the cart... and say nothing at all until my mom noticed!! why would we want something so delicious and tasty as that... when we are going to have thanksgiving dinner the next day?!

my mom invited a few extra people on thanksgiving. they brought along with them loads of food. a pumpkin pie, marinated cheese, and a broccoli casserole. later on in the evening when asked how much i enjoyed the broccoli casserole i most certainly did not lie... and say that the broccoli casserole was absolutely delicious. who in the world would lie about broccoli? in casserole form?! not me!

after enjoying thanksgiving dinner... i was in the kitchen cleaning up the many bowls, plates, glasses and pieces of silverware... on the way over to the dishwasher i most definitely did not allow my sister's bulldog ruby lick the potatoes, turkey, and gravy off the spoons!! noooo way! i would be in so much trouble if i ever did something like that!!

mckmama is right! it does indeed feel good to get all that stuff out in the open!

comida ... estilo português!

i'm a total and utter blog reading addict. seriously. i don't even remember how it started, or why it started, or where in the world i've been finding all these blogs to read! but, when i do find a good one... i go all the way to the beginning and just read. and read and read and read. until i've caught up, and then can just follow day to day. i suppose it's cheaper than buying new books... and when it's about real people... it makes it even more interesting. i'm pretty excited to follow the new blogs, and see where they all go next. i know that emily from under1000permonth is going to have a baby any day!! umm... kristi from poopinginpeace has 3 young girls, and just wants to be able to poop in peace. mckmama has 4 small children all under the age of 4... you just never know what might happen next with the mckfamily! the red pen, who writes itotallyforgotyougohere, lost her boyfriend a few months ago in a plane crash... and is bravely blogging through her grief. the pioneer woman, dooce, amalah, and jorge are all really cool too... and all make me laugh! which i very much appreciate.

so, now you know what i've been doing. i felt like it would be nice of me to tell you... seeing that i said that i would post more "tomorrow". and well... that was quite a few tomorrows ago. sorry about that. i'm still going to tell you about the food of randomness that i ate on sao miguel.

let's see... well. we didn't go out to nearly as many restaurants as i was hoping. however, aderito's mom made many different traditional acorean dishes. unfortunately, my portuguese is equivilant to that of a 2 year old. there are some words, that i must think are very important and i can still remember them! however, they aren't going to help much at all. i do remember what we ate in restaurants though!

the second night on the island we walked down to the beach... the beach has been named 'praia vinha d'areia'. which, from what i understand mean vineyard sand beach. anyways, the restaurant we went to is called praia restaurant cafe. it was beautiful! i had asked aderito about the seafood many times... and he always said that we would eat lapas. and, so we did!! they were... cooked. the taste was a combination of an oyster and a clam. squeezing fresh lemon made the lapas very palatable!

i may have mentioned this in the past... but, i turned 30 in portugal. i went into this vacation with fairly grand expectations for my birthday. loads of ideas of where i wanted to go, what i wanted to see... where i absolutely had to eat! however, what i wanted... and what ended up happening were two completely different things. the day after my birthday was my niece matilde's baptism. so, the week leading up to it we cooked and prepared and got ready for the baptism festivities (i spent a week planning, cooking and preparing for my wedding... and i'm fairly sure that they spent waaaay more on this baptism than aderito and i did on our wedding!). the day of my birthday i spent quite a bit of time sweeping and then peeling 100lbs of potatoes. it was a blast. in the evening i managed to pull aderito away from it all... and asked nicely if we could please go out. alone. without family and children or potatoes. i just wanted to relax with him. so, we went back to the praia restaurant cafe. i had a fresh cheese and tomato salad... and delicious baby clams in a lemony broth. oh yum! i think that one of the reasons i wanted to go back to the same restaurant so quickly was because they start off your meal so well! they call it, couvert. which in english just means cover charge. but, when in portugal it means a delightful dish filled with various bits of food to get your palate ready...

fresh cow's cheese (usually make just the day before), fresh butter, tuna (which is canned just down the beach), and black olives... in portuguese. azeitonas pretas. this was E2.50... not too bad!

there was always fresh fish (peixe, in portuguese) available. vila franca do campo is fairly well known in sao miguel for being a fishing town. mae natalia (aderito's mom) made something with fish every night. sometimes it was a tasty potato and cod (bacalau) casserole. one time we had these little fish... they were really crispy and salty... they tasted so good. but, i had a stomach ache for 3 days after. oh yes, mae natalia made tuna rissoles... they are like perogies, filled with tuna, coated in bread crumbs and fried! oh my! aderito and i both requested that we eat them our last night there! one afternoon after going over on the boat to see ilheu vila franca do campo (a very small island just off the coast), aderito and i went to a restaurant (restaurante o jaime) that over looks the fishermen's boat launch and enjoyed super fresh swordfish (espadarte). i've had swordfish here in canada, and it was always kinda tough. i don't know if it was because of the extreme freshness... but, it was unbelievable!

one of the first things i noticed while on sao miguel was that there are picnic areas everywhere. each of these areas has about 5 cement barbeque pits. most of aderito's family all got together for a picnic the last week we were there. there was loads of food!! we grilled potatoes, pork, sausages, hamburgers... and my favourite: sardines! i don't have any pictures of the actual food cooking... however, one when they had just started the fires... aderito is happily whistling and building, and little jonas loved the fires... and would not stay away!!

lastly... queijada de vila franca do campo. little cakes that are only made in vila franca do campo. apparently people (including me) have tried to make these cakes... but, there is no possible way to recreate them! i brought back 2 boxes, and dissected them... and tried to figure out what the ratio of butter:sugar:flour:eggs could possibly be! i have no idea. i tried to find recipes online... there are none in english! and the portuguese versions are well... in portuguese and when i've attempted to translate... the outcome was nothing but sad. i don't get it... i tried to translate the one recipe i've found... i'm pretty sure that it's telling me to make cheese. however, after eating many of these little cakes... i can assure you... there is no cheese!

aww... aderito was so excited about these cakes!! he had told me about them the first christmas we were together... and then returning to bermuda there was a box of the cakes from his mom. it had been a year since he had any, so he was so happy! so, at christmas last year... i decided to show him my mad portuguese translation/baking skills... and whip up a batch of what i thought was queijada de vila. aderito was very sweet, told me that they were good. but, that they were most definitely NOT queijada de vila.

i made sure to take a picture of him outside the building. ugh... how adorable is he?!

the above picture is of the little cakes... after they have been baked. before they get a heavy... and i mean HEAVY dusting of icing sugar. mmmm....

whoa. i think i pretty much covered the important food events. i think that the only other extremely good eating experience was the pineapple. however, i was so pumped to eat it... that i forgot to take a picture. they are not like the pineapples we get here in canada. there is almost no acidity to them at all!! which is strange... because the soil on the island is highly acidic. perhaps, that doesn't effect the pineapple. also, most of the time the pineapples that arrive in canada (or at least ontario)... have travelled from quite far, and are never at thier ideal ripeness. oh the pineapples. next time, i'm definitely bringing some back!

well... i think that this concludes the food portion of my acorean adventure.

what could possibly be next?!

back from the island...

it's really late. and i should just go to sleep. but, the past few nights i've closed my eyes... and started thinking and thinking and thinking. so... perhaps a good 'ol post will get whatever is in my head out... and then sweet sleep will arrive quickly.

yes. i am back. i made it... all the way to the beautiful island of sao miguel and back! i don't even know where to start... or what to say about my time there. honestly, i kind of felt like we took off in toronto... and landed on an entirely different planet. i don't know if it was the everyone around me speaking in portuguese... and i only understood a handful of words. or, if it was the really narrow roads... the complete lack of vegetables... or, that children and babies were NEVER expected to be buckled into their car seats... and said car seats were never buckled into the car.

it was a gorgeous island. i was enthralled with the scenery when we were in cuba. but... sao miguel... was waaaaay more beautiful. it was green. and the buildings were so white. the hydrangeas were the most insane colours... blue, red, purple. the sand was black. aderito's friend down the road grew bananas, pineapples, limes, incense... i hadn't ever seen fruit in it's natural growing state!! especially pineapples. seriously... i had no idea how they grew until joao opened the door to the pineapple greenhouse... i was amazed. and slightly embarrassed by both my excitement... and by the number of pictures i had taken of a pineapple. i took over 1200 pictures during the 4 weeks we were there. and when i got back, and put them together... i was still a bit disappointed... and felt like there was a whole lot of the island i didn't capture.

it wasn't a quiet island. nope. loud. very loud. for various reasons. every day started with 3 different vehicles letting it be known that they were coming... they were outside your house... and they were leaving and going onto the next street. i think that the fruit/vegetable man came first. honking and playing music. then the bread man came... honking and playing music. and then the tinker... well... the man with the housewares, clothing, whatever-else-you-may-need. yes, he honked too... played music... and once in a while over is loud speaker announced that he had boxers! and socks! in portuguese! this was all before 9am. everyday. then because it was summer vaca... the nieces and nephews arrived shortly after the honking vehicles were gone. and the accompanying mothers. this was just all at his house!! when we left it was noisy everywhere too...

i was pretty excited when we finally agreed to rent a car... if only for a few days. i wanted to go somewhere!! i wanted to explore!! i wanted quiet!! i wanted to drriiiiive! so, we took the bus (which every time made me crazy pukey) into ponta delgada. i had asked for a compact car. for 2 reasons, my car is little... i'm used to little cars. and because the roads are so small, and right up against buildings. was the car that we picked up small? nope. it was huge... a european made ford focus station wagon... diesel! geez. i immediately decided that i was not going to be intimidated! i was going to be just fine. unfortunately aderito... turned into a very nervous old lady. he was so nervous... that he refused to speak to me while i was driving. we drove plenty. all the way around the island in one day. 8 hours of driving. with his mom... and niece patricia. the next day we went out and about by ourselves. with very little talking... the exception being aderito telling me that i was driving too close to the his side of the road. oh, and telling me to slow down. i'm fairly certain that unless i was going downhill i usually drove at about 40km/hr.

i know for certain that it was amazing seeing aderito in his... natural environment. watching him interact with his 4 sisters. watching him play and laugh with all his nieces and nephews. being there as he was reunited with old friends... and the rest of his enormous family. as much as i was occasionally frustrated that i didn't understand what was being said around me... it was nice for our roles to be reversed. he had to translate to me what was going on, what the menu said, where were we going next, why his sister just punched the other sister in the head. yes. that really did happen. he was just so relaxed. being with him on his home turf magnified a very generous side... there was only one homeless man that i saw on the island. he always sat along the water in ponta delgada... close to where the bus picks people up to take out of the city. everytime we saw this man, aderito asked when our bus would come and be sure to give him a handful of change. very sweet. i suggested that because the man was never wearing shoes that perhaps we should buy him a pair... aderito informed me that he doesn't like shoes. huh. ok. oh yes... for the entire time that aderito and i have been together, it's been pretty clear that he doesn't really like conflict. but, seeing him with his sisters, and mom... totally confirmed that he was the peacemaker. there was loads of family conflict that went down while were were there. aderito always made sure that after whoever was fighting, each side was ok... that they had their side heard... and to let them know that they just needed a few minutes to calm down and everything would fine. there was plenty of opportunity to see how much aderito babies and children. there were so many times when adults would gather and chat... aderito was generally with the kids... kicking around a soccer ball, flying them around like airplanes... or walking around the house trying to get 1 month old matilde to go to sleep. if matilde was laying down on our bed napping... aderito would usually tiptoe in, lay down and take a nap with her. oh goodness. no more talking about aderito and babies... my ovaries are getting itchy.

let's say to be continued for now.... i'll post a few pictures tomorrow... and perhaps tell a story or two...

ohhh... and and the food!! i can't forget about the food!

see you... in september...

the time is almost here...

tomorrow, aderito will land in toronto. and we will start our 5 weeks together.

ahhhhhhhh.....

(that was a sigh of relief)

i'm ready to spend time with aderito. i'm ready to hang out, watch movies, walk random places, laugh, go to the market, kiss, take pictures, and just be with him. It's time.

saturday night, we fly off. landing in ponta delgada at 7:20am on sunday. aderito's sister... paula and dana will pick us up... at off we go to vila franca do campo... to stay with momma natalia for 28 days.

i'm going to try my very hardest to keep a blog while i am there... i'm not too sure about the internet situation, so... i'll post them when i get back...

or, after aderito flies back to bermuda... until christmas.

we waited 199 days this time...

94 will be nothing!

how many days?

ugh.

aderito and i are going a bit nuts.

we miss each other so much. 6.5 months apart. actually... 189 days apart to be exact. it's offically too much. 4.5 was managable. we were both ok... held our shit together fairly well. the extra 2 months added to it... is making us both a bit intense. it makes me cry. a lot. it makes him super cranky. i've had enough.

i'm trying to keep my mind busy. i went through all aderito's clothes, and packed all his stuff. then packed our shoes, baby stuff for my sister-in-law's new baby girl (who's name i still don't know... why can't men remember these very important details?!). i packed all the clothes that i have bought to take with me... and a lot of other stuff. we are about 80% packed. i have a bunch of appointments in the next week... haircut/highlight, sugaring, manicure, pedicure. that should keep me pretty busy.

i made a decision this summer to not tan. even though i had tons of time on my hands to do it. i've started getting freaked out a bit more about skin cancer. but, i didn't want to land in portugal being super white. so... well... i've been using self tanner. i'm not even joking. and, i like it. i did some research, and aveeno continous radiance was what i decided to try. it was a very good call!!! i love it! except for the smell. it's not as bad as most self tanners... but, it's not pretty. so, i've been using it mostly at night. i don't look whitewhite... and don't look orange. just like i've spent a bit of time in the sun. perfect.

oh! yes... and if you haven't went and checked out the pioneer woman's TASTY KITCHEN site, you must! it's a lot of fun... a lot of really good recipes. i check it out often throughout the day... because it's updated with new pictures and recipes often. i've added a few of my favourite recipes. most recently, a recipe for cherry clafoutis souffle. i had a whole lot of cherries. i had heard of a dessert called cherry clafoutis in the past... but, didn't know for sure what it is. so, i googled. it's like, vanilla custard with cooked cherries in it. it wasn't quite what i wanted... so, i used the recipe... but, whipped the whites and folded them in... making something closer to a souffle. the finished product? amazing! i will have to remember it again next cherry season.

ok. 10 sleeps to go.

we all need to pray that the time flies by.

the worst distraction... of all time...

while everyone else was celebrating canada day... my family and i attended a funeral. it was for my grandfather's best friend. percy. he was a pretty cool guy. just as percy and my grandfather grew up together, they made sure that their children grew up knowing each other. and every summer, we would go to his house for a big pye/blackman family reunion. we would swim, play games, eat eat eat. but, i think that most of the children would all have one specific memory. he let us drive his riding lawn mower. we would usually hook up a wagon, sled, another sled to the back of the tractor... and would pull all the kids around his huge yard.

i hadn't been to a funeral in a while. i did pay attention. and listened to the pastors speak. and say the prayers along with everyone else. and thought lots about percy, and the time i spent with him.

there was one big bad distraction, however. the organ. every time it was played...which, was quite a lot. i cringed. and then decided. i don't want an organ at my funeral. or anywhere near me for that matter, when i die. from there... i created a mental picture of my own funeral. all the things that i wanted. so... here is my list, thus far.

1. no ORGANS! hopefully some of the organs inside of me will be donated. and the musical instrument needs to be far far away.

2. i would prefer it to be outside. nothing crazy and formal. like a picnic, or a barbeque.

3. music. i'm not a very musicy person. however, i would like everyone to sing one hymn. wonderful grace of Jesus. all the verses. without any accompaniment. just sing it. and, if for some reason... someone absolutely needs to sing amazing grace... i only want the 4th verse.

4. nothing from the book of ecclessiates. preferably, ephesians... romans... phillipians. encouraging, light, but with the message of Jesus' wonderfulness, grace, love.

5. the cheapest casket possible. or a burlap bag. whatever is the most environmental. if nothing is possible... then that is what i would like. no cremation.

6. seriously, ridiculously good food. i can't even explain how good the food should be. i want loads of bread, cheeses, fruit, cured meats... mmm... and wine. gewurtztraminer and cabernet franc. if stratus is still making wine... i want that.

i think that's it. and, i don't think that it's going to change very much. i have a feeling that even when i'm like 99... all those things will still be very important to me!


there really hasn't been much going on lately. just lots of hanging out. oh, and list making. going to another country for a month is stressful! i've done loads of research trying to find out what is easily accessible on the island, and what i definitely need to bring. the list of things i still need is so tiny. it makes me feel pretty good. now, i want to pack. however, i think that perhaps i should wait a bit. maybe a week before we leave i can start? we are each allowed 50kg... so, 110lbs. not including our carry ons.

that's a lot of stuff.

sorry. no muffin recipe.

everyday, i think.... hmm... perhaps i should blog today. there was always something going on. but, when i sat down to write. there was nothing. perhaps all that nothing... will accumulate to something this time.

before i signed in... i read the first bit of my last post. geez. it was full of motivation, eh? i'm not quite sure where it went. i do know... that my last post was on the 31st of may. and that on the 2nd of june i went to see my doctor for my annual visit. at the end of the visit, the doctor decided to stab me with a needle. for my dpt shot. diptherea, polio, tetanus. ugh. it hurt. a lot. for 4 days my arm ached. which then made me reconsider my desire to have natural childbirth. seriously... if/when i have a baby... i would like to do it without any meds whatsoever. but... if i can't handle a shot. how in the world am i going to be able to deal with a baby coming out of my vajayjay? yikes. in conclusion. i think that my motivation went to sleep when i was unable to use my left arm for those days.

not too long after that... my car exploded. kinda. the transmission. died. i still have the car... affectionately called... lucy. she's in the little driveway we don't use. i look at her everyday. i even put her up for sale on the autotrader website. for $300! 4 people called about her. but, none have actually wanted to buy the car. so... yeah. i guess i might have to call the scrap yard... and ask them to take her away. rumor has it, they will give me $50. sweet. the tragedy that is lucy... has led me to purchase a new car. well. not new new. but, definitely new for me! the highlights of this new car? well... it has 4 doors. there is air conditioning. and the power steering. definitely the power steering. i didn't know what i was missing out on! it's wonderful. pulling into parking spots is an entirely new experience. i can only imagine how much easier parallel parking is... and 3 point turns. imagine. i'm not about to actually try. nope. the only issue i am facing with this new car... is a name. i need a name. it's definitely a girl. it's a silver hyundai accent. that's all you should need to know. please help. any suggestions will be taken into consideration. unless you are siobhan... then i will not. i refuse to name the car anything that has to do with guinea pigs or twilight.

however... esme might work.

have i ever told you about my right eye? in grade 9, i went to see the eye doctor, he did tests... and informed me that my right eye wasn't as good as it should be. and that i needed glasses. so, i picked them out... and wore them for some of grade 9. but, then realized how absolutely ridiculous they looked on me. so, i stopped wearing them. when i went to get my G1 the first time... they said that i needed to wear glasses. ok yeah... sure. i had them to wear, but didn't ever. 5 years later, i hadn't got my license yet. i had to go back and get my G1 again. when they did the eye test this time... i could see perfectly fine! with both eyes. the woman at the DMV even asked if i had laser eye surgery. it was a miracle! i carried on for years... with an eye that healed itself. until the past... ohh... six months. it changed again. getting fuzzier and fuzzier. yesterday... i decided to call and make an appointment. thankfully, they had one for me today. i went in... i had to do 3 different tests on slick machines. they were really cool. and then, the last part was going in and seeing the doctor. we did the usual looking at the letters test. at the end... he told me that my left eye is perfect. 20/20! sweet! my right eye however... bad. bad bad bad. he suggested that i get contacts. well... actually... a contact. yep. just 1. in my right eye. i laughed when he told me this. a few years ago... when i moved into the wee apartment with tiffany, i remember laughing at her. because she only had 1 contact. in her left eye. and now... i need 1 contact in my right eye. between the two of us we have one really good set of eyes. and one really bad set. tonight we were chatting... and decided that on our donor cards we would write down that our eyes were to be donated as a pair. i also had an issue remembering how to spell... donar. hahaha. if it is donAte. why don't we spell is donAr? sheesh. so... i came home this afternoon with a contact in my eye. i left it in for 4 hours. the entire time... it watered. so, i took it out. and decided that tomorrow we would try for 6 hours.

as of today, there are 6 weeks to go. 6 weeks until aderito and i are together. ahhhhhhh. that was a sigh of relief. i really can't wait to see him. really. it's going to be wonderful to be able to just look at him! everyday i tell him that i just want to look in his eyes. sometimes he laughs... and tells me to look in the mirror.... cause we have the exact same colour eyes. other times... his response is a bit sweeter.

i haven't really learned much portuguese. i know random words. a lot of them. kind of like french. but, putting them together to make a sentence... is difficult. ah well.

tomorrow... my motivation is going to wake up. for 6 more weeks.

it can go back to sleep once we hit portugal.

the starbucks bribe...

perhaps not to you... but, to me it seems like forever since i've written. then again, there really isn't anything spectacular going on to share. just... well... the usual.

on the 25th of may, i went for my monthly weigh-in at curves. i really didn't want to!! eek!! but, i walked over to the scale... and when i saw that it had only went down 1.5 pounds, i felt ridiciously discouraged. i went on with the measure. at the end, the trainer and i counted up the inches i had lost... in one month... 9 inches!! woooohoooo!!! that's almost 20 inches altogether. but, only about 7 pounds. ugh. the best measure was my waist... back in january, my first measure was 35 inches... and now, i'm down to 29. i can handle that. the weighing and measuring always make me a wee bit nervous... but, when it's finished... i always feel motivated to keep working!

this afternoon, my mom and i went to lococo's. it's a vegetable warehouse! i didn't feel like going... but, my mom convinced me that it was a good day to get out... and she bribed me with a starbucks. so, off we went. we walked around... filled up the cart with all the vegetables imaginable! and then.... i saw... rhubarb. big beautiful stalks. i love how it smells. and tastes. (if i had icewine to pour all over it, i would have been in complete bliss.) i picked out 6 deep red, yet crisp stalks. then drove home as fast as possible! as soon as i could, i started gathering ingredients for... strawberry-rhubarb-apple crisp! of course. i will now provide you with a recipe. there is a warning though... there is sugar. real sugar. because, i haven't had it in forever. and because i didn't want to ruin the rhubarb. it deserves only the best.

strawberry-apple-rhubarb crisp

1 pint strawberries (small, half. large, quarter)
6 stalks rhubarb (cut into same size pieces as the strawberries)
10 medium apples (cored, and sliced. leave the skin on. it's good for you.)

cut up all your fruit, put in into a large bowl.

1/2 cup brown sugar
1/4 quinoa flour (ok, or regular)
1/4 cup of butter (cubed)

this will go into the bowl with the fruit... give it a good toss. the pour the fruit into a large baking dish. i always use the clear glass dishes... then i can see what's going on in there. the dish will be fairly full, but that is ok... the fruit will cook down considerable.

preheat your oven... 350F.

into the now empty bowl...

1 cup butter (cubed)
1 cup brown sugar
1 cup oats
1/2 cup quinoa flour (or again, regular)

with this... go to town!! smash, mix, knead and rub all these ingredients together. make it into a delicious crumble. go by feel. and taste.

next goes on the crumble. crumble it around evenly. into the hot oven goes your creation. i baked mine for 45 minutes. but really... all ovens are different. try 30 minutes first. look at the bottom the the dish... can you see all the tasty juices bubbling yet? is your crumble getting nicely browned? if yes... to both... take it out. if not, keep it in for the rest of the time. when it is done, let it rest for about 15 minutes. if you can. this will let juices thicken a bit more. and it's good for your patience. a little bit of waiting now and then is good for you. when we finally dug into the crumble it was soooo good!! i'm glad that i used sugar. it was worth it.

snack of the month!! i could not wait any longer to tell you about this one!! these little guys are incredible! pamela's products simplebits... seriously. i can't believe how tasty these little guys are. especially the ginger snaps. i haven't been able to find them in a grocery store. only in health food stores, or over in buffalo. if you see them though... just pick up a bag. and then one day... or night... try one. without a doubt, you will eat a few more! they aren't sugar-free. they are gluten-free. and dairy-free. they are now in my cheat day list... when i want to eat a good ol' cookie. mmmm!

the count down?

67 days... aderito and i will be together!

69 days... we fly off at night... to wake up in the morning ... 4 hours ahead... and on the wee island of sao miguel. that's going to be a rough night. please, don't let me forget to bring gravol!

all i can say is...

MAKE THIS RECIPE.

preferably tonight, for your dinner. however, if you don't have the ingredients... i understand. make it tomorrow night then. once you take a bite... you will have wished that you didn't wait an extra day. seriously. it's ridiculous.

portobello mushroom stroganoff.

gather these ingredients. now. hurry!

2 tbsps butter (or olive oil... but, seriously... use the butter)
6 large portobello mushrooms
2 shallots, sliced
1/2 cup white wine
1 tub fat free cream cheese
1 cup fat free sour cream
2 tsps thyme
2 tsps black pepper
1 tsp salt (or to taste)

oh, and noodles. whatever kind you want. they make really good whole wheat egg noodles. or gluten-free egg noodles. or i suppose, just regular ol' egg noodles! whatever you choose... make sure they are cooked... and ready for this sauce!!

now what? well...

start with the portobello mushrooms. turn them so the stem is up, gently pull it off. toss it. next, the brown skin on the top of the mushroom... can be gently peeled off. please do this too.
cut up the mushroom... aim for mouth-sized pieces. put these to the side. have your shallots ready. put a sauce pan on the stove... medium-high heat. warm the butter up... till it's foamy. add shallots, cook till tender. add the mushrooms. cook... you will notice that the mushrooms soak up all the tasty butter. this is when you need to add that wine!!! and then stand nice and close and breath in one of my favourite smells. mmm. ok. now, you can add the thyme and black pepper. cook this down till the pan is almost dry. push the mushrooms to the sides of the pan... making a little well. into well put the cream cheese and sour cream. stir it up, getting it nice and warm... once soft and melty... stir in the mushrooms. cook this... make it all hot and bubbly. however, don't boil it. never a good idea. ok... so, hopefully by now you've tasted it. and decided whether or not it needs more salt. and once it's adjusted accordingly... toss it on some of that pasta you've cooked... and EAT EAT EAT!!! and then i really expect you to tell me how good this is. more good news, it reheats very well.

jim came home after work... and ate it, and then ate some more. and then ran into my room to tell me how good it was. he didn't even ask where the beef is. which is what i expected when i made a dish that traditionally involves beef... and not mushrooms.

the pansouffle.

the past week has been filled with unnecessary drama. i was going to get into it... and rant.. and rave... and unload. but, i think that it's one of those situations where i should just close the chapter. and really carry on. it's drama that has nothing to do with me, at all. however, one part that does effect me... is that i won't be hanging out with alex anymore. i'll miss his craziness... i won't miss the drama.

today was lovely. i went and worked out. i did laundry. jim and i went and looked at dishwashers. we've promised our mom a new one... hopefully friday we will.

oh, and i made ricotta and quinoa pancakes. mmm. i'm eating more carbs. but, virtually no gluten. so, the quinoa flour has replaced flour in all my recipes. i really like it. recently, i read elizabeth hasselbeck's new book... the g-free diet. i'm a huge fan of 'the view'. when i watch the show, i'm not usually a big fan of elizabeth. she did a fantastic job with this book though!! i've learned most gluten-free food also has a lower glycemic index. which is what i want. foods that are lower in the glycemic index are digested slower, produce a slower rise in blood sugar, usually control your appetite and delay hunger. i've found in the past that when i eat certain carbs, sugar, usually anything that has a higher glycemic index... it makes me... irritable. like, i can never satisfy my cravings or hunger. so, i've cut out a lot of sugary stuff... and have allowed myself to have gluten-free carbs. i've felt a lot better.

right... ricotta/quinoa pancakes. these bad boys tasted so good that once i thought about taking a photo to share... it was too late. the recipe however? here it is...

ricotta and quinoa pancakes

4 eggs, separated
1 1/3 cup ricotta cheese
1/2 cup quinoa flour
2 tbsps agave nectar
1 tbsp lemon juice
1 tbsp vanilla

in a bowl, put... yolks, cheese, flour, agave nectar, lemon and vanilla. mix, till flour is incorporated. in another bowl, or your mixer... whip whites till almost stiff. take about 1/4 of the white and whisk it into the ricotta mixture. fold in the rest of the whites. now... the cooking part. i found that these pancakes liked lower heat. medium heat or lower. mmm... slow-cooked pancakes.

and, well.... i feel like they should be called pansouffles. they are cooked in a pan... but, they aren't really cakey. they are light... definitely like a wee souffle. i made a mixed berry sauce to go along. oh yum!

snack of the month. i'm kind of disappointed that no one has asked what it is. i highly suggest that everyone go to the bulk barn as soon as possible. walk directly to the dried fruit section. find the natural dried mango. open up one of those baggies... grab the tongs... and fill up that bag. hopefully you are getting up off your chair... scanning the room for your keys, and walking out the door.

seriously enjoy the mango. you can thank me later.